Posted in Letters on lease, love, Thoughts, Uncategorized, writing, poetry, prose, inadequacy,

Police station

Dear it-doesn’t-even-matter-who,

I want to see you. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to hold your hand or talk or discuss things. I don’t want to ask or tell or plan or decide. I don’t want to hug you or kiss you. Hell, I don’t want to touch you. I just want to see you.

All I want is you somewhere around me. Not in front of me, not at all next to me. Just somewhere in my sight. Let there be people. They are anyway pointless. I don’t want total exclusive you. I don’t want you to know that I want to see you or you are being seen.

I just want you to carry on with whatever you can conjure- work, conversations(not with me), time pass, whatever, with one, ten or a crowd, but in that moment I just want to be around and be able to see you.  Not stare. Not gaze. Not at all check you out. Not follow. Just that if I move my eyes around, even if it takes some effort, I just want to be able to see you.

Everyone here, every now and then, looks like you. Where are you though? I won’t hold you or run to you . Somewhere amidst people (yeah the same pointless people), I’ll just see you and come back home.

You don’t know where the police station is, right?

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Posted in Letters on lease, Seasons, Thoughts, Uncategorized, writing, poetry, prose, inadequacy,

Calendar

Sometimes, life happens in installments. There’s a storm and then silence and then lovely rains and then gorgeous sunshine and then nerve freezing winters and then hail and then shivers and then swift breeze and then spring and then flowers and then heat and then irritation and then love maybe? But sometimes, it all happens together. You are sweating in chilly winters and it’s raining, there’s a hailstorm and the inside of your being is frozen but your exterior is sunburnt. It happens. Way too often to some people and for the first time to others.

Do you know where can I find a calendar?

Calendar
Source: panmarketingnut.com
Posted in City, Mumbai, Crowd,, Letters on lease, love, poetry, Thoughts, Uncategorized, writing, poetry, prose, inadequacy,

Address

Tum jaante ho,

Is waqt, is sheher ki roshni aur bheed me,

kho jaana,

kitna aasaan hai?

Aur wo bhi mere liye?

 

Mai kho hi rahi hu,

Har raat, har baar,

Har baat, har yaad.

Shaayad khud ko bhi.

 

Is kho jaane ke darr me,

Is ajnabipane me,

Mera pata banoge tum?

 

capture
Source: Pixabay

 

Featured picture credits: Puneet Panwar

Posted in love, poetry, Thoughts, Uncategorized, writing, poetry, prose, inadequacy,, Young girls

Wo ladki… (February special)

Meri kahaanio me ek ladki rehti hai,

Haalaki zyaada kahaniaan nahi hain mere paas

Par jitni bhi hain, unme wo ladki zaroor rehti hai.

Jalti hu mai us se, thoda sa. Bahut saara.

Har wo cheez jo mujhe khud me chahiye, wo usme hai.

Usko maafi maangna aata hai, usko dil jeetna aata hai.

Usko pyaar karna aata hai.

Aur mujhe to aap jaante hi hain.

Capture
Source: Dumbo’s diary

Sabse buri baat pata hai kya hai?

Usko baate karna aata hai.

Kameeni har dafa sahi waqt par sahi shabd bolti hai,

Aur meri tarah gaaliaan bhi nahi deti.

Har baar shabd hote hain uske paas.

Aur mai? Mere paas sirf tark rehte hain. Kadwe, teekhe.

Ladti wo bhi hai, sehti wo bhi nahi,

par ada hai usme.

Aur mujhe to aap jaante hi hain.

Capturedf
Source: Maxpixel

Kheli mere saath hi, badi mere saath hi hui

Par pata nahi kaise wo itni bahaadur nikli

Ki apni galtio ko maan ke aaraam se theek kar leti hai

Aur mai zid se, sharm se aur fir glaani se hi nahi ubhar paati.

Sahi samay par khaati hai, mui exercise bhi karti hai.

Kilasti hu mai ye dekh ke ki usko apna bhi

Aur apno ka bhi

Khayal rakhna aata hai.

Uske pyaar me girna sabke liye itna aasaan hai.

Aur mujhe to aap jaante hi hain.

jb
Source: eWallpapers.eu

Ye jo ladki ha na

Ye ajeeb hi hai.

Jab rehna meri kahaanio me hi hai,

To meri dost hi bann jaati.

Par waha ye chook jaati hai

Laakh achha dil kyu na ho iska,

Ye bhi meri tarah, meri dost nahi bann sakti.

Aap kya kehte hain? Itna daag to chalta hai na?

Khair mujhe to aap aante hi hain.

 

 

 

Posted in Attitude, Idealism, Uncategorized

WINTER SYLLABUS

It’s my blog’s birthday today and I thought I would write something today just for the sake of it. It’s been two years and kudos to my inconsistency. Every time I post something I get this positive vibe to post more often, Which of course does not materialize into success. Life guys, life.

So a quick review of what all I have gathered in my kitty in these months:

  • Avoid planning: Unless it’s the only thing to do. I know you all have been told the otherwise and you all have been practicing otherwise but believe me, calm down. Half of your frustration is because you plan way too much. I have been the typical maniac who plans what is gonna be in her wardrobe for next 7 months and when is the next shopping date which would determine the amount of work that needs to be done the preceding week which would also be impacted by the date of the stipend arrival which would depend on the semester registration dates and all this has to be in sync with the menstrual cycle. You get my point? But calm down! No hell is going to break loose if the order changes.

Also, not all your plans would work. 40% is good enough. BREATHE. B.R.E.A.T.H.E

 

Capture
Source:www.stow-borders.co.uk

 

  • Pamper yourself : Please do. Yeah I know early 20s suck. Even late 20s do. Life sucks. But you know what? You can only let it suck so much. That hardly sounds right but again, you get my point. Just freaking buy that dress and go to that new confectionery. And it’s simply okay to sometimes enjoy these luxuries alone. I can’t emphasize enough on being your own muse. But do not deny yourself anything (unless you cannot afford it, please do not rob).
  • IMG-20171223-WA0019.jpg

 

  • Watch your words : You know this has been “taught” in the moral “science” classes but the world we live in these days, sarcasm is style. I myself am pretty much at it. But trust me, it ain’t cool. These are insensitive times. We as people, are going through weird stuff. Some of us (in fact most, check depression statistics of India) are holding on negative things inside us that do not really surface. But in the fad of being all cool and sarcastic, maybe we are hurting some of these people who would not even tell you that they got hurt. Words are powerful. You may speak and forget, but someone would probably hold on to them for long, maybe forever. Be kind, in words too. Please.
Capture
Source: picturequotes.com
  • Be there for your people: I have learned this one the hardest way. I mean, of course these are crucial times for most of my friends but consider this- I was going through really trying and tough phase and I texted a friend in a weak hour of mine and opened my heart out. Obviously she could not do anything but the least she could do was to call me. Out of courtesy, if not love. That has kind of stuck with me. It’s not that few minutes on the call would have ruined her career. But again, you get my point,right?

On the other hand, this other friend of mine whom I had been so mean to, came up from another city amidst tons of work and personal problems just to make sure I get out of my dark phase.

You know I keep reiterating it but in life, we literally earn people. So when you say somebody is your friend, mean it, act like it. Else, business is a great world.

 

Capture
Source: Mangobaaz

AND LASTLY

  • Be colorful: I mean I know it’s winter but that does not spell black and grey. Don’t be racist. Don’t be mean to winters. ❤

IMG-20171223-WA0011

Warm fuzzy hugs @ 15℃

A-naari

Posted in Monthly entry, Health, Work, Mood, Uncategorized

The month that was!

Winter has decided to barge in and no I am not ready yet. I am never ready for winter. And I don’t hate winter. I don’t like winter. Have I made it clear by now that I am weird? Good, we can proceed now. 

Highlights of the month

Being ultra sick : So I had one hell of a happening month. This is not the month end yet but who cares. Mid Oct-Mid Nov is what we are dealing with here. For good part of the month I was sick. Being sick is coming naturally to me now. All kinds of dreadful and painful diagnosis later as I headed towards being okay, every week new kinds of problems decided to say hello to me. Yeah I greeted them back. Via medicines, money and mind.

Being Semi-sick : Even my post feels sick with so much sickness but venting it out seems okay to me. So as I moved on with basket full of medicines, supplements and syrups, I seemed to have some sort of side effects! You guys saw that coming? I didn’t! So here I was, standing in the lab with my professor and classmates, receiving HPLC training and guess what? I blacked out! And my professor for a moment thought I was gone. At this point, nobody figured out that this could be due to side effect. I received lot of glucose and advise to eat more.

Moral : If you are feeling sick, move out. Don’t scare your professor by showing shades of death.

Finding the demon : I moved on with life and got involved in preparations of an event and carried on with my medicines. So I am in protein engineering class after my second breakfast (as I was advised to have) and the medicines, when after 20 minutes I begin to feel dizzy. By the 30th minute no protein is getting engineered and I run out of class. Going by previous episode, Nisha smells fishy stuff and she follows to find me in lets say least elegant state (read vomiting my intestines out). The second breakfast and the medicines are washed down the sink and the doctor is called, overdose confirmed and medicines find a time-table more organized than Indian Constitution.

Moral : Give space- to people and medicines.

BioZest : So while I was busy blacking out, vomiting, attending classes and performing 999 BLAST a day ( a bioinformatics tool), in the afternoons I would escape into a zone of forgetting all that and dancing my heart out. We, at FLSB, celebrated Biology in the most delightful way on 10th and 11th November and we called it BioZest. The preparations were at one point mind-wrecking but oh dear lord! The rehearsals, the running around and the zillion meetings really got us all closer. While the D-day was bright and chirpy with events, the cultural evening (for which I was really worried) turned out to be gorgeous, to say the least. Biologists rocked the show.

Moral : If you are sick, dance.

IMG_6317[1] IMG_6596[1]                                                   IMG_6514[1]

What now? : Term paper, studies, exams, exams, exams, exams, exams, even I don’t see an end. 24 hours seem so less. Source of recreation? Posting a selfie a day. Actually I am enjoying all the work. Sure it’s hectic. But how else do we expect life to be?

Significant mentions : Some people made the month bearable, in fact, happier. On a personal note, these people helped me deal with all of it in a sane manner. Anuvrat, Nisha, my doctors (yeah 3 of them), Ayush and Taru Di and my project supervisor- May you all have amazing winters.

Now I feel ready for yet another eventful month.

Warm fuzzy love to all,

Anaari ❤

PS: My birthday is approaching. Yet again falling during exams. But this time, I want a celebration (coz going by my health records, who knows!!). This is also a subtle way to ask for gifts (I don’t get any).